It's okay.

Bean and Toot, living the Good Life. Actually, watching a DVD about using the potty.

January is my off-season. My life has a fairly predictable rhythm, and for the past few years, January has been a reliable month of hibernation. I'm not coaching or teaching anything; I'm not preparing for holidays or birthdays; I'm not outside with two silly fairies, soaking up as much sunshine and fresh air as we possible can. I'm inside, and I'm on the couch. I'm baking dozens of cookies and then eating them as fast as I can so that they're gone and no longer a temptation.

We're also on hiatus from doctors' appointments. It's been weeks since I've brought my mom or my daughters to a specialist. (Although Bean and Toot are, as usual, due for bloodwork. I planned to bring them tomorrow but think it might depend on how much more snow will be strewn over our current drifts this evening.) And so, I have spent more than a few afternoons on the couch with Marley while Rudy naps. Sometimes, I start snoozing myself in the soft glow of afternoon treats like Pink Panther and Little Bill. There are precious moments that stretch into hours of relaxing in the sunny spots; we're curled up like our cat Mr. Peterson. I'm in my sweatpants a lot. Bean's in her nightie. And I know that this is a temporary lull. But.

I have some ridiculous shame about this. I feel lazy. I know that I deserve some lazy days; my therapist assures me that I am not lazy. During part of a longer conversation about my presumed return to regular employment once Rudy and Marley are in school for more than a couple of hours every other day, she reminded me that I'm a blue-collar kid at heart, and that's why I feel like, even if we could somehow afford it, I would never feel justified in staying-at-home once my kids' schooling hours exceed thirty hours a week.

Even now, even though I know my being at home is because we decided that time with Marley and Rudy during their preschool years was more important than extras, in January, I have to remind myself to shake the lazy label. I get to snuggle with Bean and sip my tea because Todd and I choose less stuff and more time. And that's okay.