A big, fat FAKE.

So. That tree's not real. And I know you don't have a problem with that. I only do a little bit, like my finger about 1/8 of an inch away from my thumb much. Each time I look at it, I think, "That's bright and happy," and, "That's fake." And the more often that I look at it, the longer my first thought lasts and the less I remember the second.

My sisters and I are all hyper-tidy and organized. It's mostly just the way we are, and partly a reaction to the DUMPSTERS, plural, that we filled when we moved our mom, first to her own condo, and then to Heather's home. Her new residence needs an other once over, and we've already done it twice in the past three years. Anyhow, Heather is constantly cleaning out her home for donations or trash collections, and Danielle was once overjoyed upon receiving a label-maker for Christmas. And whenever I pass even a tiny pile of clutter, I get an itch that will not let up until I put everything away, even if I make a valiant effort to ignore it. And by the way, almost as soon as I've seen the pile, I am calculating the most efficient way to travel to the different areas of my house where everything goes. Seriously. Todd is blessed and cursed.

So, no, my Christmas decorations are not still up. Everything, including the tree's ornaments, was put away by the thirtieth. As a result, our home was significantly less cozy, but a lot more tidy, too. The only problem was the spot where the tree had been, which seemed a lot more sad and bare than usual. It needed a plant. But:

1. That corner does not get any natural light.

2. I cannot predict what my cats would do to a real tree.

3. I know what I would do to a real tree: kill it. Not on purpose, but I don't have a very good track record with plants.

4. And then I would've wasted money we don't have.

Maybe someday I can handle a full-on tree. Maybe I'll start with a topiary. An ivy. I'm working on it. But for now, this giant I purchased at Home Goods on Tuesday is beginning to feel familiar and logical in my house. Especially after I anointed it with some twinkly lights and perched some of Marley's fairy friends amid its branches and scrawny trunks.