The Vagina Dialogues.

Last week, I watched Jackson for a couple of days while his regular daycare provider was on vacation. This provided both Marley and Rudy with the opportunity to see an actual penis during diaper changes. At Heather's and Danielle's houses, it happens all the time, and Riley and Emma are like, ain't no thang. But here, in the house of fairies and glitter and an actual pink vanity with containers of pretend make-up and many tubes of lip gloss, it was a revelation. They've seen Jackson and Owen before, of course, but infrequently, and so penises are out of sight and out of mind.

Anyhow, during one change while Rudy was napping, Marley and I were sitting on the floor beside Jackson while I was cleaning him up and getting a new diaper on. I noticed how distracted she was by his, let's say, differences, and kicked myself in the butt to get a conversation going. We've had this talk before, to label body parts, to stress the importance of privacy, and to make sure she understands no one is supposed to touch her unless (as suggested by a DVD with talking points Todd borrowed from the kindergarten recently), it's to keep her clean (like mommy or daddy) or healthy (a doctor). But I know, even though I'd rather talk with Marley about Ray Allen's work ethic and KG's intensity, that we need to keep having this conversation, to set a precedent for open communication as she gets older and our talks get more complicated.

So, I was all, "Jackson has a penis. That's different from you and Rudy, huh?" Such amazing parenting, right? And she couldn't remember the term for her own parts, so I reminded her. "You have a vagina. Girls have vaginas." And even though I went to a GD women's college I was a little cringe-y because, well, why does it feel so taboo to say that? Vagina and breast sound so clinical to me. And other words, like boobs, have connotations of stupidity or cartoonishness. I don't think that's a coincidence. And I do think that penis is easier to say. It's easier to explain, too. I reminded Marley that boys use their penises to pee and that's why they can stand up. Because they can hold them, like a hose, to aim their pee in the toilet. "Like a hose?!" She almost fell over.

But girls don't pee out of their vaginas, and so then I had to talk about how her bladder leads to a different hole, which went over pretty easily since this kid has seen ultrasounds of her full and empty bladder for as long as she can remember. Then I told her that only girls have vaginas because only girls can have babies and that's one way the baby comes out. (We've talked about this before, too. Marley knows it will get bigger to help, and that the doctor will give you medicine so it doesn't hurt as much. Get the medicine, Marley! She also knows that Rudy came out a different way because I had an operation and still have a scar, affectionately referred to as The Worm, on my abdomen.)

But here's the thing. As we were wrapping it up, Marley got a couple of review sentences out there.

She said, "So, boys have a penis, and girls have..."

I prompted her, "A vagina."

"Vagina." She nodded as she said it, making it more definitive. Then she got a little happy smile. "That's fancier."

And Fancy Marley totally owned it and that made me so much less cringe-y. So thanks, Bean. You and your flair and your desire for everything to be so beautiful and sparkly have given vagina a new connotation for me: Fancy.